


The best thing about Atsushi is Himuro

by actualsatan



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Bulimia, Bullying, Depression, Eating Disorders, Extreme angst, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, depressed atsushi, evil akashi, like read with care, mentions of sexual abuse, saviour himuro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 03:57:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4248462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualsatan/pseuds/actualsatan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Atsushi remembers his past and how incredibly grateful he is to have Himuro.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The best thing about Atsushi is Himuro

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I just wrote this because I've been so moody these last days and I had to get it out, and what's not better than horrible headcanons about perfect babies? It's messily written, like most of the things I write, and please give me feedback of how to improve it!  
> ALSO: Read with care because it contains a lot of triggering things such as mentions of eating disorders, self-harm and dub-con/non-con.

Atsushi had always been tall. When he was born he weighed way above the Japanese standard, but then of course, he wasn’t only Japanese. His mother was from America and she was pretty tall. Of course Atsushi had to inherit her height. His grandfathers height, even. His granpa was extremely tall and if Atsushi thought about it he could probably think his granpa had been taller than himself at one point in his life.  
He didn’t exactly want to say he was being bullied because of his height, because nobody actually made fun of him, it was just that all the comments he got hurt him. Even if it wasn’t meant as something bad in particular. Kids often invited him to play street basketball, something he enjoyed because he was good at it. He had the advantage because he was tall. He was nicknamed The Monster. That hurt him way more than it should. It made him... Question himself. Was he actually a monster?  
When he was eleven he stopped almost completely to hang out with people and play street basket, anything to avoid the hurtful remarks.  
When he started at Teiko he joined the basketball team though and with that he comments just kept coming, making him question himself again. Was he really a monster? He sunk into himself more than he had already done, only hung around his team mates, especially Akashi. Akashi seemed to like him. At least that’s what he thought.  
When Akashi was made team captain he changed. Not too much, but enough for Atsushi to notice. And then the comments started to come from him as well.  
_”Atsushi, you’re in my way.”_  
_”Atsushi, stop eating so much.”_  
_”Atsushi, you’re annoyingly big.”_  
_”Atsushi, how much more convenient it had been if you had been shorter.”_  
Atsushi didn’t know why he did it, because he knew it hurt him. He had slept with Akashi, more than once. Not because he wanted to, but because Akashi wanted to. He wouldn’t exactly call it sexual abuse but he didn’t really want it either. It was when they fucked Akashi’s true self showed.  
_”The only good thing about your height is that it’s an advantage in basket and the fact that your cock is huge,”_ he said once, as he was riding the large boy at the speed of light. Most of the time Akashi would bottom, because he said Atsushi together with Shintarou was the only two people he had met that had dick enough to satisfy him, but sometimes he would use his entire little body to pin Atsushi down against whatever surface they were at and fuck him roughly and often with a choke hold. Atsushi was jealous of Shintarou because the relationship he had with Akashi was way better than the relationship he had with him. Akashi didn’t do his best to bring Shintarou down. At least he didn’t think so.  
Akashi’s comments hurt worse than any other though, because he considered Akashi his friend. His Aka-chin. Being so rejected and beat down by somebody he actually loved was the worst thing he had ever felt in his fourteen years. He started to hunch down, he stayed quiet and he stopped drinking milk. He tried to stop eating but it made him so pissed of and that in it’s turn made him more of a bother, so instead he started to throw up his food whenever he ate. Eventually Akashi found out about that, and Atsushi wished he would care, he wished in his aching heart that Akashi would understand and stop the hurtful comments. He didn’t. Maybe if it had been before their one-on-one, before he had changed, maybe there would have been a small chance for Akashi to understand his feelings. But not now. All he received was a cold glare and a “Tsch, you’re pathetic.” He was pathetic. Annoying, and always in the way.  
Teiko passed and he was still growing, reaching just above 2 meters now. It made him hate himself even more. He spent the first semester sticking to himself, avoiding everyone. He did apply for the basket team after they came up to him, begging the Miracle to join. He never went to practice. After the winter break he had sat down in his usual spot in the furthest corner in the back of the classroom when a unfamiliar face entered. Their teacher presented the boy, a transfer student. Atsushi had glanced at the boys face, noticing how his eyes was locked on Atsushi’s and he had blushed ever so little and glanced out his window. Of course the boy had sat down besides him.  
“Hello,” he had greeted him, with no venom at all to his sweet voice, and Atsushi had actually glanced over at him.  
”This place is free, right?” He had continued and Atsushi had only mumbled in response.  
“I’m Himuro Tatsuya,” the boy had introduced himself and Atsushi responded with a quiet “Murasakibara Atsushi,” and the boy had smiled at him. Ever since that day Himuro had sat besides him, talking to him even though he barely responded. He followed him around, like he was his friend, and Atsushi didn’t really know at what point he actually started to consider Himuro his friend. He was very sure when he realized he was in love with the smaller boy though.  
They had been at Himuro’s place, he lived alone for some reason, and Atsushi liked being there because it was always quiet, unlike it was in his own home. They had watched a film together and sat in Muro-chin’s kitchen later and Himuro had looked at him that way only Himuro could and laughed his perfect laugh and Atsushi’s heart had clenched and he had avert his eyes and the butterflies filled his entire body and it just hurt so bad because he was so sure that even if Himuro liked him and had never said a bad word to him, he was so certain that he liked him just like a friend. He would never dare to do anything or even ask to find out either. It wasn’t until a few months later that Himuro had expressed his feelings towards Atsushi. At the time they had known each other for nearly a year, and once again they had been at Himuro’s place and Atsushi had eaten too much for his liking. Even though his eating disorder was mostly gone, he could eat without throwing up, if he stuck to his restrictions. But he hadn’t and he felt a panic attack crawling up on him and he had stood up and hurried to the bathroom and Himuro had followed him, and before he managed to lock the door, Himuro was in the bathroom with him, wrapping his arms around the tall boys waist.  
”Breathe, Atsu. You don’t have to feel bad about eating,” he whispered and Atsushi got down on his knees, almost crawling up in Himuro’s lap, and for the first time he spilled everything. He told Muro-chin about Akashi, about the comments, his eating disorder and the self-harming. He cried into Himuro’s shirt, his body shaking as he, for the first time he could remember, actually let all his feelings out. Himuro sat there and listened, stroking his back and his hair, holding him close. Once the tears settled and he stopped shaking, Himuro pulled back a little and looked into Atsushi’s eyes.  
”I’m so proud of you,” he whispered and then he leant in again and pressed his lips against Atsushi’s.  
It felt like such a long time ago now, but it was just one and a half year ago, and they had just graduated from Yosen and he was on a plane to the US with Himuro sleeping besides him. He looked at the black haired young man with fondness, a small smile spreading across his face. He wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for Himuro. He knew it. Without hesitation he leaned down and placed a soft kiss to Himuro’s forehead.  
”Thank you, Muro-chin,” he whispered and inhaled the smell of the black hair before he leant back in his chair and dozed off to sleep as well.


End file.
